Late Night With Seth Meyers
The New Yorker today released audio of fired Hollywood movie producer Harvey Weinstein begging a model to come into his hotel room and watch him shower. And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened.
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders today said that President Trump’s comment that he has a higher IQ than Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was a joke and told reporters they should “get a sense of humor.” They should get a sense of humor? You’re the one who always looks like she just found a joint in her son’s Bible.
A CNN anchor said yesterday that Sen. Bob Corker’s recent criticism of President Trump was his way of “planting seeds” to call into question Trump’s fitness for office. You’re just now planting seeds? I think it’s harvest time.
President Trump gave an exclusive interview to Forbes and teased a new economic development bill that he says is “both a carrot and a stick." Incidentally, “carrot and stick” are also Trump and Melania’s Secret Service code names.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
So far it has been a rough start to the school year for Donald Trump. His report card is definitely going to say, "Has problems working and playing well with others." And there's not much we can do. What can we do? Because the Oval Office doesn't have any corners. You can't put him in a time out.
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was in the middle of tense negotiations about North Korea and their nuclear program, when Trump tweeted that Tillerson was "Wasting his time trying to negotiate with little rocket man." Everybody knows there is no better way to defuse a tense nuclear standoff than with insult humor.
Who can forget during the Cuban Missile Crisis when Kennedy tweeted, "Cueball @Khrushchev and Lil' Beardy don't have the [guts]. I double-dog dare you to push the button."
Today in an interview with Forbes, Trump defended his actions towards Tillerson, saying, "He was wasting his time. I'm not undermining. I think I'm actually strengthening authority." Yes, I'm not burning your house down. I'm lowering your heating bills.