Late Night With Seth Meyers
The Senate passed a Republican tax bill just before 2 a.m. on Saturday. And if you’re wondering if that’s a good thing, try to remember the last time anything good happened to you at 2 a.m. on a Saturday. 2 a.m. on Saturday is when your drunk friend gets in the back of a police car because he thought it was an Uber and then barfs on himself. 2 a.m. is when your friend who’s into coke says, “I’m gonna get some more coke.”
A new poll has found that 48 percent of Roy Moore’s supporters plan to vote for him because “he’s the best person for the job.” What’s the job — male stripper for nursing homes?
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
On Friday, former national security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI, and it turns out that’s against the law. [imitates Trump] “Did you know that? Lot of people don’t know that. Most of them work for me.”
But Flynn’s not the only one in Mueller’s crosshairs — because, in court, Flynn said that he’s agreed to cooperate with the special counsel’s office. Woo-hoo! He’s singing like a canary! Well, actually, more like an angry shaved eagle.
On Saturday, Trump tweeted, “I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the vice president and the FBI.” OK, here’s the thing — Trump’s not supposed to have known Flynn lied to the FBI. Because, the day after he fired Flynn, FBI Director James Comey says Trump told him to go easy on Flynn. That would be an admission to obstruction of justice.
It’s like when you’re trying to get out of one lie and you accidentally tell a much worse lie. “Baby, I couldn’t have been texting with my ex last night, I was too busy sleeping with your mom.”