Late Night With Seth Meyers
President Trump had dinner with Mike Pence in the presidential dining room today. Pence said grace, and Trump said, “There were 1.5 million people at my inauguration.”
President Trump today visited the National Museum of African American History and Culture … as part of his ongoing quest to find Barack Obama’s birth certificate.
The White House today disputed claims that a retired general turned down President Trump’s offer to serve as national security adviser, saying he made it very clear he wanted the job, but refused for financial reasons. Well, technically what he said was, “I wouldn’t do that job for all the money in the world.”
The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50. In honor of the new 51st U.S. state — panic.
A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called “New Yorker milkshake” which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you’ll get is a coffin lid.
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Exciting day for President Trump, because he went on a field trip to the Museum of African American History. He was so worried Steve Bannon wouldn’t sign his permission slip.
Trump was originally supposed to visit the museum on Martin Luther King Day, but that had to be postponed because of scheduling issues. It’s understandable. As Dr. King himself said, “I have a dream — unless something else comes up. Then it can wait.”
Last Thursday was something called “A day Without Immigrants.” You know about this? I didn’t know; I thought that’s what Trump called it when Melania stays in New York.
For those of you keeping score at home, Donald Trump has gone golfing six times 30 days. That explains the bumper sticker on Air Force One: “I’d rather be golfing, and there’s a 20% chance that I am.”
We know the president has been to the golf course six times, but for some reason, his aides would not confirm that Trump played golf each time he went to the golf course. Sure, he could be on the course for any reason. We know he loves making fun of people’s handicaps!