Feb 18th From: 02/06/18
Officials at the Winter Olympics have stocked the Olympic Village with over 100,000 condoms. In other words, it sounds like Bob Costas will be there.
After decades of bitter fighting, North Korea and South Korea will march together in the Winter Olympics. Even more unbelievable, yesterday Melania Trump went to Ohio with her husband.
It has come out that Patriots fans turned to porn immediately after the Super Bowl. Well, ladies and gentlemen, as a Patriots fan, I’d just like to say that I, for one, waited for my guests to leave.
In San Diego, a Girl Scout is in trouble for selling cookies outside a legal weed dispensary. However, the girl isn’t worried, because she is now worth $200 million.
The Mexican-American judge that Donald Trump insulted may hear a case about his border wall. It’s the landmark case of Donald Trump vs. Payback’s a B***h.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
I read today Best Buy and Target are planning to stop selling CDs in their stores. To which I say: Best Buy and Target are still selling CDs?
For those too young to remember, CDs were these shiny discs that would get scratched almost immediately and would sit in a binder of the back seat of the car until you sold the car.
Did you hear what happened to Rob Gronkowski, the tight end for the New England Patriots? The Patriots lost the Super Bowl on Sunday and to make it worse, while Gronkowski was on the field someone broke into his house and literally robbed Gronkowski. Which is terrible, but also kind of smart; they knew he wasn't home because he was playing. They were probably watching him on the TV they were stealing.
That’s not fair, they should be charged with burglary AND unsportsmanlike conduct.
Robbed during the Super Bowl. See, this is why I leave all my valuables in Cleveland with the Browns. Never a worry that they will be away for the game.
President Trump's legal team is now reportedly trying to put the brakes on a looming interview with special counsel Robert Mueller. According to the failing New York Times, Trump's lawyers are worried he could be lying too much to investigators, and they base this concern on... everything he's ever said and done over the course of his life.
Donald Trump is like the bus from "Speed" — if he doesn't tell 60 lies an hour he blows up. Fried chicken and cheeseburgers go everywhere.
If you’re Donald Trump’s lawyer, are you more worried about him lying or about him telling the truth? Because it’s kind of lose-lose, if you think about it.
In South Korea, the Winter Olympics start Thursday. Vice President Mike Pence will be there for opening ceremonies but is leaving after that so he doesn't have to see the biathlon — he believes that athlons should be between one man and one woman.
The president's daughter Ivanka Trump is also headed to Pyeongchang to lead the presidential delegation at the closing ceremony. Choosing Mike Pence and Ivanka Trump to represent the United States wasn't easy. They actually had a meeting to figure out who are the least necessary people in the White House. There was a lot of competition but Mike and Ivanka won out, and they're going.
The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
People are still excited about the Philadelphia Eagles winning their first Super Bowl! And did you know this? I read that Eagles coach Doug Pederson was coaching high school football just 10 years ago. Which sounds crazy, until you remember that just FIVE years ago, our president was firing Clay Aiken from a TV show.
The celebration got crazy back in Philly. People knocked over lamp posts, overturned a car, ran around naked, set things on fire — and that was just the mayor.
Paul Ryan posted a tweet where he bragged about how the GOP tax bill helped a woman earn an extra $1.50 a week. He would’ve gotten a lot of angry letters, but nobody wanted to spend their entire bonus on a stamp.
Over the weekend “Lady Doritos” was trending. There were reports that Doritos was launching a “lady-friendly” chip that is quieter and not as orange. And if that goes well, they’re gonna try to do the same thing with the president.